I am jealous, and I wouldn't even care if I got radiation poisoning because that amazing glowing red radiation button would distract me with its terrifying awesomeness.
On another note, I think
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Also, I LOL'D. Then I was terrified. People hire evil clowns to stalk, send creepy texts, and phone people threatening messages ... not as an act of revenge, but as a BIRTHDAY GIFT. WHAT. .